Some millennials think they own the world but these are the instances that their smugness finally came back to bite them.
At Least This Janky Car Worked In Someone’s Favor
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“One day a few years ago, I was grabbing McDonald’s near work to eat something last second before my shift. It was one of those two-lane microphone deals. I blatantly finish ordering before the other lane before he stomps on the gas to cut me off.
His car broke down right there and I got to take my rightful turn in line.”
There Were No Winners, Everybody Lost Here
“I spent my last few dollars on a donut instead of using it to tip the person who filled my gas.
I dropped my donut as I pulled out the gas station.”
He’s Going Down, I’m Yellin’ Timber
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“There was an inebriated guy at the bar started yelling at the bartender for cutting him off. He called her a floozy multiple times and then tried to scoot his bar stool back.
Instead, it caught on the carpet and he fell backward like a tree falling. It made a very audible thud and of course, everyone stopped what they’re doing to look. He laid there for a minute, got up and stumbled to the door as everyone continued to stare at him.
We definitely never saw him again.”
He Did What? With All Those People Watching?
“When I was visiting New York, I watched someone bend down to pick up a wallet someone ahead of them had just dropped. All of this was going down in the crosswalk and I was in the passenger seat with my dad driving. Guy A, who picked up the wallet, started running it to Guy B, who was already across the street and while doing so, Guy A’s wallet fell out of his pocket and on the sidewalk/crosswalk area.
Some terrible dude in the bike lane rode up a little ways ahead, bent down, and picked it up and just started heading off. He just grabbed it and began to ride away like a bunch of cars didn’t just watch him. My dad was about to say something when a cop car adjacent to us swerved in front of cycler and made him give it back. The cycler bumped into the cop car and was trying to go around when he was tackled. I think they might’ve arrested him but the light changed so we couldn’t stick around.”
What Goes Around Comes Around… Including The Ceiling Fan
“I hit my girlfriend in the forehead with a spinning fidget spinner. She chased me, I jumped on my bed, and my ceiling fan smacked the living heck out of me.
She was on the floor laughing for a solid five minutes. I am a firm believer in karma now…or maybe just idiocy on my part.”
Winning This Race Was More Bitter Than Sweet
“My first car wasn’t the greatest vehicle, but I managed to scrape some money together to be able to afford it, and it was something I was proud of being able to have when I was young.
I was out driving, running errands in an affluent part of the city, when I came to a red light. These two dudes around my age in some expensive car that was obviously paid for by their parents, with music blaring through their expensive subs, pulled up beside me and were kind of snickering to themselves, taking a few glances at me every now and then. Whatever, it’s fine.
Eventually, the driver rolled down his window and asks, ‘Hey, bro. Wanna put that wussy thing to the test?’ And started revving his engine. Now me being a little jokester, I started revving my engine because I knew they weren’t expecting me to do that. The two bros went, ‘Ohhhh,’ and started getting fired up.
The green light came and we both slammed on our accelerators, except I capped out at the speed limit. The two losers sped off in a big display and headed around the bend.
Now the thing about this stretch of road is that there are usually cops set up with speed traps. Lo and behold, when I came around the bend, their car was pulled over to the side with a cop parked right behind them, lights flaring.
They did not seem amused by my smile and wave as I passed by them.”
That Ended Up Being Repulsive
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“There was a guy who spewed vomit all over the floor in the bathroom at a bar. As I left the bathroom, a big muscly guy in overalls with no undershirt was coming in. I tried to get his attention and stop him, but he just shouldered me out of the way.
He slipped on said vomit and yelled ‘Shoot!’ as he fell. As he put his hand down to lift himself up, he yelled a much louder ‘SHOOT!’ as he realized the vomit was all over him.”
I’m Surprised This Didn’t Happen Sooner
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“When I was a broke college student, the high schoolers down the street sideswiped my car so bad my front door wouldn’t open all the way and the mirror was gone. I confronted them but couldn’t prove it. Even worse, I couldn’t afford to fix it.
The next week, they came screeching out of the neighborhood while I was studying next to the second-floor window. They crashed headlong into a tree and totaled their car. I had a comfortable view as all four of them got out and the driver was sobbing his sorry self on the pavement until his mom came and cussed him out loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear.”
Her Jokes Suddenly Got A Lot Less Humorous
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“My boss got some instant karma for mocking me!
I had a day off work and as I was making breakfast, I accidentally sliced my finger tip with a bread knife. I wrapped it up and went to Urgent Care. It didn’t need stitches but the doctor put a couple steri-strips on it and said not to use it for a day or two and stay off a keyboard.
I went into work the next morning and told my boss that I had to stay off a keyboard for a couple days so I had to do some other kind of customer service that didn’t involve typing. She said no problem.
As I walked out of the room, I remembered I had to tell her something else and as I was walking back in, I heard her mocking my injury. Just as she finished, she accidentally slammed the door of the one-ton safe on her hand. I laughed and said, ‘Karma’s a bish.’
She said, ‘Yeah, I kind of deserved that.’
She didn’t break it but she couldn’t use it, so she had to call another supervisor to come in for the day so she could get it checked out. When the gauze came off my finger a couple days later and she saw the strips holding it together, she admitted that it did look bad and she shouldn’t have made fun. I accepted and brushed the incident off.”
Your Smartphone Can’t Outsmart Karma
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“The washers and dryers in my apartment building are run through Bluetooth and an app you download on your phone.
I figured out that if I put my phone on airplane mode while simultaneously pressing the start button on the machine, the washer would start but I wouldn’t get charged.
I was so proud, tried the same thing on the dryer and it worked. Went to get my clothes out of the dryer an hour later and everything was covered in melted Hershey kisses.”
Well Where’s A Cop When You Need One?
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“Years ago, my brother and I were going to school together. He was driving, I was the passenger. The route we take involves turning onto a road that is 4-lane, then becomes 2-lane for a little under a mile, then back to 4-lane. I can’t remember the setup exactly, but we turned onto the road where it becomes 2-lane and found we were behind a little red compact car. The speed limit here was 35 and this car was going 31-33. My bro and I were chilling a good distance, the road splits soon, no need to be impatient.
The black sports car behind us did not agree. He rode our tail tighter than any car I’ve ever seen. The whole mile, we never saw his grill in the mirrors, just windshield with Sir Jerkface furiously behind the wheel. As we approached the 2-to-4 expansion, I noticed a cop car parked on the other side facing the opposite direction, with two guys inside of it.
As we approached the split, the little red car naturally went into the right lane. My brother started to follow it for a second, then caught himself and switched to moving toward the left lane. Sir Jerkface saw this and would have none of it. That left lane is his. He sat on the horn as he drove full speed, straight towards the left lane and us. My bro quickly swerved right just fast enough to dodge, then went back into the left lane as we regained our composure and I put together what just happened.
This is where the madness really started.
We sat there for about three seconds, breathing heavily and staring at each other. Then, I remembered the cop car. I spun my head around to confirm my suspicion. Yep, it tore a U-turn at the split and was rapidly approaching us. I yelled at my bro to quickly return to the right lane. As he completed that, the cop car hit its lights and sirens and sped past us towards the red light ahead, where Sir Jerkface was impatiently waiting.
The karma was finally happening.
We reached them as they were pulling off to the side. I gave an enthusiastic two thumbs up to the cop car as we passed. I drove that road on average four times a week for four years, I have not seen that cop car parked there before or since. The one day it was, was the day I needed it. My guardian angel, my sweet justice.”
Grand Theft Asiago
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“There was a chick at a pizza place who took money out of the tip jar to pay for her extra toppings. She did this after screaming at the poor person working that she couldn’t believe it was an extra 50 cents for more cheese.
On my way home, I saw her getting arrested, not sure for what, but I’m sure she had it coming.”
I Bet That Shut Him Up
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“I was at an All Good festival once and there was one of those dudes who was just a pure punk. You know: shouting insults, screaming, throwing things at people, just an animal. He was slightly uphill from a main intersection, only maybe thirty feet from the crowd. I was standing around waiting for a friend.
The dude’s campsite was a total mess, with some poorly planned tarp-city thing held up by a nylon rope that was strung over a pickup truck and secured by slamming a car door shut on it.
Suddenly, the guy throws his drink at the crowd, crawls up on top of the car, and starts tight-roping it between the car and the truck. I was very impressed that he made it at least two steps before the rope slipped a few inches in the car door, the rude guy spread his legs, and he dropped three feet straight onto the suspended rope. I have never in my life seen a guy wrack his balls so hard. In a fetal position, he spun around the rope in slow motion until he was upside down. Then the rope scraped across the roof of the truck, fell between the cab and the bed, partially collapsed the tarp city, and dropped the guy a couple more feet onto his head in the mud.
The guy got up, shut up, looked a little embarrassed, and limped away as his infuriated friends boiled out of their wrecked home.”
Now That’s Money Well Spent
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“I was at one of those festivals where you have to buy tickets then use the tickets like money to get stuff while there.
We were leaving and wanted to unload our extra tickets, so we went to the line where people were buying them to try to sell them to the people who were just arriving. This is a very common thing to do at these. My buddy approached a dude and asked if he wanted to buy our spares. He says he wants a discount on them, or he would rather wait in line and force us to eat the costs. We just turned around and walked away…right into my cousin, who was more than happy to buy our tickets instead of waiting in line. So we are there telling her and her group what is good and what to avoid when we hear a commotion behind us.
We turn to see the punk from the ticket line had gotten tickets and purchased a drink. In an effort to not walk 13 steps around the ticket line, he tried to cut through it and got tripped up. This caused him to drop and spill the full $7 drink he had just bought. My friend, a nice and stoic dude, just looked at him and smirked. I, a total punk, burst out laughing so everyone would turn and see this loser.”
Is It Too Late Now To Say Sorry?
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“I work for a staffing agency as a recruiter. I’m on a pretty small team so this was actually another recruiter on my team that this happened to.
My co-worker was working with this guy who was pretty sharp, he was a programmer. His company was doing layoffs but he was told he wouldn’t be affected. My co-worker contacted him, chatted about the situation and he said he would be interested in looking around. We just had a new client give us a position to help on that fit his background. We lined up an interview pretty quickly, he interviewed and got the position! It was great, he even received a little salary bump. It was a straight direct hire, no contract stuff. He goes in, works his first week, all is great, everyone is happy.
Well, that next Monday shows up and he isn’t there. The company calls us asking where he is, so my co-worker calls him.
He answers the phone and my co-worker asks, ‘Hey, is everything okay? You were a no call, no show today over at XYZ company.’
And the guy proceeds to tell us, ‘Yeah, I never actually quit my job. I just took vacation for the week to see if I liked the place. It was okay but I’ll just stay here.’
My co-worker responds, ‘Man, is there anything I can do? This puts us in a tight spot, this is a brand new customer of ours, can I do anything?’
The guy tells us, ‘Quite frankly, I don’t care what kind of position it puts you in, nor do I care if they are a new customer. I’m staying, don’t call me again.’ And hangs up the phone.
He got laid off the next week. He asked if that position was still open and if he could go back to it because he had just been laid off.
The answer was a firm no and to ‘not call us back.'”
He Needed To Slow His Roll
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“We were at a big sports tournament after a game and it was raining a bit – an aggressive driver wasn’t bothered with people rushing to their cars and he almost ran over a kid; he yelled at people in his way and decided to weave around traffic to get out of the place quicker.
There was a sawhorse blocking the exit he was not supposed to go out of. The rain got heavier. Everyone was watching this impatient person as he got out his car to move the sawhorse and bypass the traffic line and pedestrian traffic due to self-entitlement.
But when he got out to move the sawhorse/barrier, he closed his car door and locked himself out of the car with the car running. The downpour continued. He received his instant karma.”
This Big Guy Did Him A Big Favor
“I went go see Coheed and Cambria in concert, managed to get right in the very front of the pit since I got there so early. As I was waiting, the guy to my right tapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘YOU WOULD LIKE THE WHITE POWDER?’ in a really thick German accent. I told him no thanks and he did two lines back to back. Clapped once, exhaled like a set of hydraulic brakes and then he sat there and did what I can only assume is kegels based on his veiny face. He was jacked by the way. Gigantic muscles threatening to tear through the Florence and the Machine tank top he was wearing. I was a little intimidated at first, but we got along great as the show went on. He was a great dude.
Anyway, fast forward to halfway through the show. They just finished playing Delirium Trigger and everyone’s stopped moshing and freaking out while we’re waiting for the next song. But then started Pearl of the Stars, which is one of the slowest songs anyone has ever played, let alone for a band that has like 100 moshable songs. But I’m into it, me and Cokehead were swaying and singing.
But there was one dude behind us who was still moshing. He was pushing me up against the railing and flailing around. And moshing is cool and all, but if you’re the only one doing it, you aren’t moshing, you’re just being a punk. So I turned around entirely and put my hands on this dude to get him to stop so I could ask him to chill, and he punched me in the face twice, back to back. The two punches hit me out of nowhere. I’m really bad at taking punches so I just stumbled against the fence and rubbed my face. Cokehead looked to his left and saw me recovering and he screamed, ‘WHAT HAS HAPPENED, MY FRIEND?!’
So I leaned in and told him that the mosh dude gave me a 1-2. He immediately reached into his fanny pack and gave me all of his coke, and it’s way too much, by the way, like enough for six people and he’s alone. But before I could tell him no thanks again, he turned around and lifted the moshing guy above his head in one clean motion, like he was born for this. He then threw him further back into the crowd, where he vanished. It was like throwing a horseshoe into a field of wheat. I was dumbfounded and terrified.
Cokehead turned back to me and said, ‘I AM TO BE EJECTED. HOLD THE POWDER, YES?’
I was so confused and scared that I didn’t even say anything about how I didn’t understand what the heck he was talking about. I just nodded and I think I even said, ‘Yes sir.’
Less than a minute later, venue security showed up and started dragging him out and I understood what he meant. He knew he was going to be thrown out after he flung that dude into the darkness. He did it, knowing that he would miss the rest of the show.
He broke free of the security just long enough to shake my hand before finally being dragged away. As I watched them leave, Claudio sang, ‘I’d give you everything, if only I’d have known you’d take it.’
The song ended and I realized that I was still holding a big bag of blow. The Suffering started in but instead of screaming and cheering for my favorite song, I wondered how I was meant to give this back to a random German hero.”
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